As I creep closer to 35 I continue to ponder whether or not to have another child. DH definately wants one. I am on the fence.
First of all, let me say that I was one of 'those' women that was really into my job and I never wanted children. Really, I NEVER had any maternal feelings or desires to have child. My DH knew that when he met me and knew that my feelings were the same when we married. Well, things happen and I got pg. After the initial shock I was thrilled and have never looked back. I love my son with every fiber of my being and wouldn't change a thing.
I am also a different type of mother than I ever thought I'd be. I work full-time but dread every minute of it and would love to stay home. I thought I would happily run off to work and cherish the time to be a grown-up and then go home and cherish my time to be a parent. THere is nothing wrong with that scenario except that I found it doesn't fit for me. The problem is that I'm the bread winner and carry the benefits for our family. I was always secretly proud of the fact that I make significantly more money than DH but now I hate that we are so dependent on my income (and health benefits). What to do?
Well, DH has been on and on lately about having another child. Since we are scheduled to have all debts except our mortgage paid off by next fall we are in pretty good shape financially. But of course another child will change the shape of our financial future dramatically. Yes, I realize that you can't make the 'child decision' solely based on finances. My heart is telling me that I DO want another child, but that I have to be able to be the parent that I want to be.
What does this mean? Well, we absolutely cannot afford to live on DH's salary without major sacrifices. I'm not talking about not eating out or cutting vacations. I'm talking about selling our house. We have a nice house on a lake that is appreciating nicely but we also have a 205K mortgage. We could afford to have another child and keep the house if I continue to work full-time. There is no way to make it work if I don't.
There is also the question of health benefits. We can get them through DH's work but they are about $500/month for family coverage and they aren't even all that great. This is a major problem for us and something we will really have to consider.
SO...my solution is to sell the house and buy a more modest home with a more modest mortgage (or better yet none at all). That will solve most of our problem right there. I could work part-time nights and weekends to fill in the gaps. That way I can be home with the kids during the day and still bring in some $$ and get out. Will it be enough? I don't know.
The problem is convincing DH this is a good solution. He loves to fish and our house is pretty much his dream home. I doubt we'd ever have the opporunity to live somewhere like that again. He also has a good argument that our house could be worth some bucks as property values rise. Right now I think our house is worth around $350K. Do we just turn our backs on any additional money we could make from it? If we hold onto it, we will surely make more $$.
Personally, besides the investment value, I don't care about the house. Yes, it's a nice house and it's lovely to live on the lake but I'd rather have the freedom to stay home with my children. I've told DH that I will not work full-time if we have another child so I know the seed is planted. I guess I will have to wait and see if he's willing to make this sacrifice. He can't wait too long because my clock is a-ticking....
2nd child?
October 19th, 2006 at 06:56 pm
October 19th, 2006 at 07:43 pm 1161283434
October 19th, 2006 at 07:50 pm 1161283826
October 19th, 2006 at 09:10 pm 1161288605
October 20th, 2006 at 12:32 am 1161300744
First of all, I am very glad that someone you are well-grounded here. Plenty of people want things out there, but they don't want to make the appropriate sacrifices to make it work. I'm glad that you know what's at stake.
One positive way to look at this is that, in the end, it's a win-win situation. You can have a beautiful house, or you can have another child. Both are wonderful things, and again, I'm very glad that you can see that, sometimes in the real world, we can't always have it both ways either. But whatever you end up with, I believe it will still be a good thing. I suppose it's only a question of what is better from your perspective, and it would appear that the child is.
Another thought, while I'm at it, is that-- with proper financial management-- you can always buy another nice house later on. This, however, is not necessarily true for children. Not that I suppose you need any outside input on this. Apparently, you already agree on what you really want out of life. It's just a question of whether your husband is ready to pay the piper for it, eh?
October 20th, 2006 at 03:37 pm 1161355062
Overall if a more modest house is all you need, sounds like a good choice. Good Luck!
October 20th, 2006 at 05:46 pm 1161362803
DH hasn't said 'NO' to selling the house, he's just shown reluctance. From a purely financial perspective, it's worth it to keep the house just for the money we will be able to pull out of it someday. But...no amount of money or pretty views will give me back the time that I missed out on with my children. KWIM?